The Tower of Terror in 2023...and 2024!

                 In 2023, I had the unexpected privilege of getting to visit Walt Disney World.  And, of course, I had to take the opportunity to ride my favorite ride of all time while I was there!  Having already thoroughly documented the Floridian version of the ride in 2017 “just in case” it ended up a victim of Marvel synergy like its Californian counterpart, I figured I could just enjoy the ride this time around.  After all, I hadn’t heard wind of any major changes happening, and Cosmic Rewind, in addition to being an awesome ride in its own right, lessened my worries over Mission Breakout taking over Florida Tower.  No need to document any major changes…right?

                Well, okay, to the average guest they might not be major changes.  But to someone who dedicated a whole blog to documenting every little detail of the ride…well, there’s quite a bit!

                And I was supposed to post this last year when I first got back from the trip.  I just realized I didn't.  Whoops.

                Anyways...

                To start off with, there’s the nighttime lighting package.  In 2017 when I last visited, the exterior nighttime lights were entirely blue—a point I even incorporated into my analysis of how color is used to signify the supernatural in the Tower of Terror.  Tower was the “Beacon of Magic” for Hollywood Studios for Walt Disney World’s 50^th Anniversary Celebration, and thus got a new projection-mapped nighttime look as seen in this photo by @because-i-love-chess on tumblr:

Early April 2023

                By the time I visited though, the 50^th Celebration had just officially ended, although many of the decorations and merchandise was still around, so I feel like I basically got to celebrate it anyways.  The Beacons of Magic shows, however, were immediately switched out for more “normal” nighttime lighting, including on Tower of Terror.  It was not the same uniform blue as before, however.  Tower’s nighttime lighting package was now a combination of blue, purple, and possibly pink lighting.  It’s unclear if the pink is part of the lighting, or just the actual pink paint color of the Tower itself showing through.  I remember DCA Tower once having lighting like this, so it was nice to see it again.

June 21, 2023

Another June 21, 2023 photo that shows more of the pink lighting.

Back view from the Fantasmic theater, June 20, 2023

                The sign also seemed to possibly be upgraded with brighter LEDs; at any rate, it was now SO much brighter than the rest of the Tower it made photography difficult, despite having a newer camera than my last visit.  Indeed, the color variations between the two front views above were the results of focusing the camera differently to try and accommodate the brightness variation from the sign.  In real life, it looked about in-between the two pictures, having a very distinct pink-purple-blue palette.  A friend of mine compared it to the bisexual pride flag.

2017 Tower looking EXTREMELY blue by comparison; and yes it did look like this IRL

                Heading into the Tower grounds, the “fog” misters in the garden were only working intermittently; they were only working consistently on the last day of my trip.

                 There was actual real damage on the outside of the Tower visible while walking toward the trellis/drained fountain area.  A piece of façade had fallen away to reveal the modern construction material underneath.  This was fully visible with no signs of work being done my entire trip, and in my opinion was pretty obviously “real” damage and not part of the “show damage” meant to make the place look like an abandoned haunted hotel.

Damage circled for your convenience

 2024 Update: The damage has been repaired, but strangely the entire column has been re-done with a black granite appearance

Photo from @chunkecheeks

                Now, moving into the lobby.

                Remember the Directory sign?  And how I said that I’d read that it used to have a hidden message in the fallen letters, but the message had disappeared long ago?

 

                IT’S BACK!

And it is NOT easy to get a photo of!

 

                Well, perhaps not the same message.  It now reads “take the stairs” instead of “evil tower ur doomed,” as it allegedly did before.  A bellhop, whose name unfortunately I did not catch, saw me lingering to look in the directory case.  When I flinched, thinking he was going to tell me off for not walking over to “fill in the space behind the yellow line” waiting for the library, instead waved me back over to the case and told me to look closer.  Indeed, deep in the bottom of the directory, to the point where you almost have to press your nose to the glass to see it, are letters reading “take the stairs.”

                Later in the trip, I was able to discuss hidden details again with a bellhop named Mike (who had awesome glasses: square on one side and round on the other, but that’s beside the point) who explained that the current (as of June 2023) team of bellhops are responsible for the “take the stairs” message.  Management, for unknown reasons, doesn’t want them putting a hidden message in the fallen directory letters, but the current team is “fighting” to keep it.  He didn’t have any idea of what the previous hidden message(s) in the directory might have said, just what the current one was and that management does not want it.

                Moving into the libraries…

                One thing that was present before, but I did not notice or mention, is that the dragon motif from Florida’s specific HTH logo continues onto the curtain pattern for the libraries.

 

See those three sets of dragons at the top?

                I was able to confirm the presence of the To Serve Man cookbook this time around:

 

                The trumpet is still there as well:

 

                The tiny spacemen from “The Invaders” and the Mystic seer were still on the top shelf, as always.

                There was also the prominently placed Ouija Board behind the trumpet, as well as a set of shoes… 

Sorry for the blurry picture

 ...but I cannot seem to find any specific Twilight Zone connection to either of them.  Although the Twilight Zone episode “Dead Man’s Shoes” prominently featured shoes, these do not appear to be the same type.  But why would you display shoes in a library?

                The broken glasses do NOT appear in the library, but instead were (as of 2023) in another place that’s going to get its own special post!  Likewise, there’s a special detail in the library carpet that will be mentioned there as well.

                Speaking of the carpet, it no longer rumbles with the lightning, which seemed much less intense than in 2017.  The lighting pattern of the lights remaining on during the pre-show remained, however.  I wonder if having the library go completely dark in the past ended up being some sort of safety issue.

                The right-side (“King’s”) library also had some specific Easter eggs on the desk.  One was a Mystic Seer fortune-telling card reading “It is quite possible.”  It is behind a card that appears to depict a classical statue.  Can anyone help me identify the statue in question?  At first I thought it looked like “Laocoon and his Sons”—depicting mythical figures being killed in agony for wrongdoing against the gods—but it’s definitely not that statue.

 

Mystic Seer card

                Elsewhere on the desk is this note on HTH stationery:

 

                I cannot figure out that first word due to the font, but the rest appears to read: “…of Europe, although susceptible to earthquake damage, are an important element in films and attractions of Hollywood.”

                It would be VERY helpful if anyone could figure out that first word, as there are other HTH stationery notes throughout the Tower that have very specific and rarely-reported Twilight Zone Easter Eggs on them, and I would like to confirm if this is one of them/link it to a specific episode. (Once again, more on these secret notes in another post I’m preparing)   

UPDATE: The first word is "Porcelains."  So it's "Porcelains of Europe, although susceptible to earthquake damage, are an important element in films and attractions of Hollywood."--deciphered by @chunkecheeks 

She also provided a clearer picture of the note

 There is also air mail on this desk and its equivalent in the left/Queen’s library, but as far as I can tell the addresses on the mail do not correspond to any Twilight Zone Easter Egg.

 

The mail

View of the desk

                This library also had the trumpet sheet music, but was missing its trumpet.

Sorry for the blurry photo again.  Trying to photograph things quickly in the dark is difficult!

                 One of the libraries—I cannot tell which one from the photo, but I think it was the right/King’s—also had one of the few clocks to NOT be stopped at 8:05 (the canonical time the lightning struck).  Instead, as you can see in this admittedly poor picture, it was stuck at 6:40.

 

                Oh, and before we leave the libraries, I thought I’d point out one last detail that somehow, I only JUST noticed.  The TV cabinets are different between the Florida and DCA/Paris libraries.  Florida has the dials and speaker on one side of it, while DCA/Paris have a wider cabinet with the speaker on one side and the dials on the other. 

Florida

 

DCA; Photo by Dusty Sage/Micechat

 Here's also some clear 2024 pictures of the Rod Serling and Victoria West letters from the libraries:

photo by @chunkecheeks

photo by @chunkecheeks

                In the boiler room, both the left and right paths had these radios prominently placed and lit up:

I'm pretty sure this is the right path one

 

And this is the left path one

                Neither radio appears in my 2017 pics, so they are a relatively new installation.  I did not hear any specific radio sounds such as DCA/Paris’ radio loop coming from them.

UPDATE: per @chunkecheeks, as of 2024 the left radio is indeed playing a static loop, which is probably the DCA/Paris loop.

                The ride experience seemed much the same as before, albeit a bit rougher than I recall.

                The 5^th dimension scenes both seemed to be performing decently well, although both eyeball effects were in B mode, showing a stock image rather than a photo of your elevator.  Furthermore, only the left boiler room path’s 5^th dimension had the shattering window as well as the eye; the right path’s shaft only had the eye.

                During the pullback to the unload, I noticed an Easter Egg I haven’t really seen mentioned.  In the right-path shaft’s unload area, there is the haunted slot machine—a detail many a Tower fan will point out.  However, up and to the left of the slot machine, hanging from the ceiling?  A flying saucer!

 

                Presumably, it is the one from “The Invaders,” given how those aliens are elsewhere in the Tower.

                This has me wondering what other Easter Eggs might be hidden in the “junk rooms” during the exit pullback.  Unfortunately, you don’t get much time to examine them in person, and it’s very difficult to take pictures of them.  I keep my phone/camera securely stowed throughout the ride itself (my very first ride on Tower in 2002 broke the unsecured family camera and I don’t want to repeat that!) and there’s not quite time to get it out and take good pictures while the elevator is pivoting around to unload.

Here's a decent pic I managed to get of the ventriloquist dummy, though

                 In the exit area, of course there is the “Little Girl Lost” chalk mark.  That’s not new, but I did learn some new things about it!  According to Bellhop Mike, when the Tower first opened, that was literally drawn on with chalk by the bellhops.  It kept getting taken down—I can’t recall if it was from maintenance wiping it off or from accidental wear from, for example, guests sitting in front of it/leaning against it.  I think he said maintenance, since he mentioned the employees having to tell the higher-ups that it was an intentional design element that should be left in place, eventually getting the “chalk marks” more durably painted on the actual wall.

 

                Mike also confirmed that their version of the chalk wall NEVER had any sort of sound effects or hidden speakers associated with it like DCA and Paris.  Apparently there is literally no room in that particular wall there to put any special effects in it.

                I was able to get a better look at the cork board and the “Picture if You Will…” photo viewing area.  There is a small, spooky Halloween cat decoration among the junk in the office room that appears to be new; it references that the fateful lightning strike happened on October 31^st, 1939.

Overall view

 

The central shelf with the Halloween Cat

View into the side office

Half of that front cork board

 

The other half

A telegram on one of the boards.  It's hard to read but seems to be about a deal with someone named Platt?

 

A handwritten posting on the board, advertising a Model T for sale

Another handwritten posting, advertising a used microscope

Posting advertising a chess table

                Other than that, though, this area is frustratingly apparently free of Twilight Zone references or other Easter eggs.  An area so visually dense seems like it’d be the perfect place to hide all sorts of things, but nope.  To this day, it still just seems to be a very realistically designed junk room/janitor’s office...

OR SO I THOUGHT.

In August 2024, as I was revising and updating this post, @chunkecheeks, the same Tumblr blogger who helped explain the drop profiles, told me that there is in fact one confirmed Easter Egg in the janitor's office.  And it may have been there for 30 years, unnoticed by almost everyone!

 The best photo of it I have is from my 2017 collection, where I accidentally captured it.  I circled it in the photo since it's so hard to notice.

 What?  That's just a broken lamp, right?  Nope, it's another UFO!

Here's some flash pictures sent by @chunkecheeks:

Hmm, could still be a lamp...

Nope, not a lamp!

This is also definitely the Invaders ship.  It's no wonder that this Easter Egg is rarely ever discussed; it's nigh impossible to see!  Compare this 2023 photo I took where its entire corner is completely dark.

What UFO?

There's no way I would've known this was there, unless I was looking for it.  It's pure luck that I managed to get that accidental photo of it in 2017.

                In this exit area, if you have a MagicBand+, it will display a special effect.  Many rides at WDW now have “goodbye waves” at the end of rides, where MagicBand+ will light up with special colors or sequences related to the ride’s theme.  For example, at the end of Remy’s Ratatouille Adventure, the band will light up with the colors of the French flag, while at the load and unload of Florida’s Haunted Mansion, it pulses red with the heartbeat of the undead bride (Anaheim’s Mansion only has this at the unload).  Perhaps fittingly, given how much else the two rides share in common, Tower’s effect most resembles Mansion’s being a pulsing red pattern.  It’s not quite regular enough to be a heartbeat, so I’m not entirely sure what it represents, especially since it sticks to the red color rather than doing, say, red and gold to match Tower’s colors.

                 Now, on to some new details behind the Photopass desk!

                This shelf display is new; it is not in my 2017 photos.  Prominently featured in the center is a “guest book”.  On the lower left is a typewriter—perhaps the type to write “get out of here Finchley”?  To the right are a prominently displayed set of round glasses; however, they are NOT broken.  Thus, the typewriter and the glasses are in the “iffy” category regarding whether they’re official references or not.

 

2024 Update: The typewriter has had a "Get out of here Finchley" paper added, making it an official Twilight Zone reference!

photo by @chunkecheeks

                On the upper shelves, however, are some definite brand new Twilight Zone Easter Eggs!  On the left and right, are two stacks of displayed envelopes.  The writing on them is not entirely visible, however, it is clear from what can be seen that they are addressed to rooms at the Hollywood Tower Hotel, and bear the names of guests.

                 The left side gives the name “Templeton.”  This references S2E9 “The Trouble with Templeton,” where the main character is an aging actor named Booth Templeton.

 

                On the right side, the front envelope is addressed to Pamela Morris, main character of S5E23 “Queen of the Nile.”  In that episode, Pamela is revealed to be an immortal Cleopatra, who keeps reinventing herself—including a turn as a movie star—in order to keep her secret, draining the life from those unfortunate enough to figure it out.

                Behind Pamela’s envelope is one that’s much more difficult to see, but appears to be addressed to “Jerry Etherson.”  This was the main character of S3E33 “The Dummy.”  Etherson is a ventriloquist…perhaps it is fitting that his dummy (alongside the one from the OTHER ventriloquist themed Twilight Zone episode, “Caesar and Me”) is one of the prominent references in the “junk rooms” during the pullback to unload.

                Fittingly, all of the characters referenced are entertainers—the type of people you might expect to all be staying at a highly glamorous Hollywood hotel.

2024 Update: @chunkecheeks from Tumblr informed me that these envelopes had changed placement slightly on the shelves, with the addition of further Halloween decorations. The Templeton letter had been placed in such a way that she had to ask a cast member to see it, and there also appeared to be a second Pamela Morris letter behind some decorations.

photo by @chunkecheeks

 

photo by @chunkecheeks

photo by @chunkecheeks

                On the way to the exit, there was a Fuel Rod phone charger station, a name tag engraver, and a new set of designs for pressed pennies.

 

                Inside Tower Hotel Gifts, Talking Tina was above the cash register, just as she was in 2017.

                 However, some of the other upper displays had been refreshed.  I didn’t catch anything especially notable, though, despite one cast member advising me to “look up” to find some new details she’d added in the last set dressing.  I still can't tell if there's any specific new references or what she may have been referring to.

One of the upper displays

Another upper display

A third upper display

Looking down, though, there was new carpeting with the HTH logo near the exit doors.

 

                So that’s all I could find for now regarding basic updates and new Easter Eggs… however, that’s not all I have to say about Tower in 2023…

                Stay tuned for that VERY special post!

The DHS Drop Shaft Sequences: Explained!

One of my greatest frustrations in attempting to record and preserve the Tower in blog form was the Florida incarnation's different drop sequences.  As shown in my existing summary of the ride sequence, the best I could do at the time was describe the effects that I knew existed and just sort of say, "well, it involves those."

Thanks to @chunkecheeks on Tumblr, that finally changes today!

@chunkecheeks had the opportunity to ride the Disney's Hollywood Studios incarnation of the Tower many, many times in a row, and subsequently figure out how each sequence matched each special effect.  She helpfully explained the details with these charts from wdwmagic:

Note that she and I believe that this drop profile corresponds to the "lightning crackling along the shaft" effect that I noted in my previous summary of the ride, as otherwise this is suspiciously devoid of effects.  However, as of 2024 and her trips through the ride, the lightning effect was not present.  It is unknown if this is due to malfunction or potential rider complaints about flashing lights.

Yes, that's right, there are DIFFERENT VARIATIONS OF THE MANNEQUIN SCENE!  Because it's so dark and it's over so quickly (not to mention happening in the most intense drop sequence), I never registered that there are 1) different mannequins in different drop shafts and 2) they are mannequins of the previously established characters of the ride.  It makes sense, but I never registered those mannequins as being more than generic ghostly figures.  They are apparently the same model mannequins that appear in the 5th dimension sequence.

In my experience/writeup of the ride, I noted that there seemed to be some sort of flowing fabric blown around the ghostly mannequin figure.  @chunkecheeks reported not seeing any fabric flowing around them, but we theorize that it's possible that was related to the blast of air she didn't feel.  It's possible the air blast refers not to something meant for the riders, but instead to give the fabric that ghostly flowing effect.

The mannequin scene is visible on all drop sequences, especially during the day when light leaks in, but the the elevator doesn't always stop there.

She also noted further additional details about the ride experience in 2024:

In the ascent shaft that serves the right-hand elevator in the left-side loading station, the hallway scene ghosts appear larger than in any other ascent shaft.  It is unclear if the projection is set larger for some reason, or if the glass installation is closer/angled differently.

The "ride photo in the eyeball" effect in the 5th dimension scene is broken again for all elevators.

"Drop Profile 3" may be some sort of default pattern for the ride.  On two separate days, she rode the ride after it experienced downtime.  For six and eight rides in a row on those respective days, the Tower only produced Drop Profile 3, before apparently varying again several hours later.  While it is entirely possible that could be luck, it also would make sense for the ride to have one "safety" sequence to default to if there were some issue with the computer.

And the Tower did get a bit of sprucing up just before its 30th anniversary!  The scorch marks on the crashed lobby elevators got an enhanced paint job:

Photo by @chunkecheeks on Tumblr

There are also some additional Twilight Zone references and Easter Eggs!  Stay tuned for those!

It’s okay, I guess? A Tron LightCycle Run Review

 

It's finally here!  June 2023

As I mentioned in my Cosmic Rewind review, all of the Walt Disney World hype in 2023 seemed to be resting on this ride: the much delayed, and subsequently much celebrated Tron LightCycle Run.  Unlike Cosmic Rewind, I actually did have high hopes for this one.  In sharp contrast to my ultimately neutral feelings towards Guardians of the Galaxy, I do like Tron as a franchise.  I enjoyed both movies, loved the Kingdom Hearts video game levels based on Space Paranoids/The Grid, and am STILL annoyed that Tron: Uprising was cancelled before the story arc could conclude!  The idea that I could experience the coolest part of a beloved franchise (the LightCycle motorcycles) in the form of a ride type I especially enjoy (launched rollercoaster) certainly set my expectations high.

                Some reviews did tell me to temper my expectations, saying the ride was “short.”  But, well, track length and ride time are apparently about the same as that of Rock n’ Roller Coaster, which is generally not considered a “short” ride, so I didn’t let that dampen my expectations too much.

                I rode it twice, getting a boarding pass both times I was eligible.  And I have to say, it was solidly… okay.

                For once, a lot of my enjoyment of the ride actually is dependent on the IP.  When the screen dropped at the pre-show to reveal The Grid, it felt surreal to finally see one of my favorite fictional locations in-person.  After that reveal, though, everything was a bit bland.  There wasn’t anything particularly special in the queue to make it feel highly themed, or even like they’d put much effort into themeing it at all besides that initial reveal.  I liked the locker system though; it was convenient and not nearly the hassle I’d feared when I heard there was mandatory lockers for this ride.

The big reveal!  If only the rest of the queue looked this cool. June 2023

              

              As awesome as it is to be able to see yourself on an actual LightCycle, there’s also no getting around how damn awkward those ride vehicles are.  I know a major community complaint has been their lack of body type inclusivity, but I think the even bigger issue is the physical awkwardness.  I actually saw people with a wide variety of body types—including larger people—fitting on the bikes with no issues (in case you are wondering, apparently the safety restraints are more strict on leg size and not waist size, so take that into account if you’re concerned about fitting).  However, nobody, regardless of size, can mount or dismount those bikes with dignity intact.  The shape means you can’t just swing your leg over easily like an actual bike.  Especially at dismount, where you’re getting up from almost a laying-down position, there will be some one-legged hopping to get yourself out of the ride.  DEFINITELY wear shorts underneath if you’re wearing a skirt/dress.  You may need to opt for the inclusivity seats (regular roller coaster seats) if you don’t have the best range of motion in your hips/knees too.  The “body inclusivity” issue in this case is not just size, but range of motion.

                 Oh, and DO NOT WEAR SLIP-ON SHOES.  At no point do the queue videos/safety videos warn you about this, but depending on your height your feet may dangle or be in a tip-toe position when you’re on the bike (it supports you by your calves).  Luckily I was wearing sandals with a heel/ankle strap, but regular flip flops or slide-ons might have been precarious.  After riding the first time, I wondered why the same video that mentioned putting hats, bags, and phones in the locker/storage bin didn’t also mention stowing slip-on shoes.

                Yet another issue with the ride vehicle is how it oddly can restrict your view of the visual effects.  EarScout’s video about Tron (skip to about 24 mins in) said that the bikes gave you “tunnel vision” and I agree that’s somewhat the case.  You’re laying low on your belly/chest, in a position that either makes you want to look down or gives you a limited view forward, but a lot of the effects/visuals are in a wide range around and above you.  (Note that both times I rode, I was in the furthest-back row that offered bike seats--row 6 on the inclusivity train and row 7 on a non-inclusive train.  I did not make any specific row requests.)  Video evidence indicates that, possibly, the inclusivity seats may have the best view of the actual ride, due to their upright position as regular roller coaster seats!  Not designing the effects to be best seen by the primary ride vehicle format seems like a design flaw.

                Actually, “design flaw” seems to be the phrase of the day when it comes to how I’d describe Tron LightCycle Run.  I must admit, it DOES feel super short, despite all evidence showing that in actuality its runtime is equivalent to the complete-feeling Rock n’ Roller Coaster.  My theory is that this is attributable to the puzzling decision to make Tron an indoor-outdoor coaster.

                I get the value of “adding kinetic energy to the land” visually, but in terms of practical ride experience, the initial outdoor turnaround really takes away a lot.  First of all, it’s thematically inconsistent—why make a big show of digitizing us into the Grid if we just blast back out again and in immediately?  But second, and more important, it “cuts off” a significant section of ride time that could be spent on more themed elements that would make the ride feel longer.  Going out and back in makes it feel like the ride doesn’t “start” until the mid-course brake run where you reenter the indoor Grid portion.  I believe this is why people are so hell-bent on riding Tron only at night; with the dark skies and lit canopy, the outdoor portion now matches the aesthetic of the indoor portion.  It BECOMES thematically consistent at night.  Both times I rode were during daylight, so I can only speculate based on video footage.

                I’m also not sure why there was hype surrounding this coaster’s launch.  It’s probably the gentlest launch I’ve experienced on a launch coaster; Slinky Dog Dash’s two launches have more bite than this, and that’s a kid’s ride.  It’s nowhere near Rock n’ Roller Coaster’s absolute gut-punch of a start, which remains unmatched at Disney parks over 20 years since its debut.

                As for one last design flaw…well, I’m not so sure it’s a flaw, so much as a question.  Why not make this a dueling coaster?  So much of the plot is themed around you participating in a motorcycle race, and the ride does use clever mirror and lighting tricks to make it appear as if you’re racing the evil Orange Team.  But wouldn’t it make way more sense, and be way more impressive, to have there also be an ACTUAL Orange Team track, and make it a dueling/racing coaster?  That makes so much more sense that I’m confident that was certainly part of the initial pitch, and cut for budget early on.

                As for the positives…well, it’s not a bad ride.  It’s a smooth and swift roller coaster, even if it doesn’t have any particularly standout elements.  It is also very, VERY pretty; I’ve always loved the visuals of Tron Legacy, and the Grid looks as gorgeous here as ever.  The nighttime light show on the exterior is beautiful even if you’re not on the ride.  The soundtrack for the ride includes Daft Punk’s Derezzed, which I’ve wanted as a rollercoaster soundtrack pretty much since I first heard it.

                In many ways, Tron LightCycle Run is the contrast to Cosmic Rewind.  It’s the kind of ride I expected modern Disney to make: technically high quality, but with obvious flaws and cuts that make it fall short of being one of “the greats.”  Exclusive rather than inclusive.  Fun, but not euphoric.  Stylistically competent, but not quite art.  It could have been SO much better.  If it weren’t based on an IP I greatly enjoy, I probably wouldn’t have bothered riding it a second time.

It is SO pretty though (June 2023)

Cosmic Rewind is a Transcendent Masterpiece: an unexpected review

 

"Epcot? Is that thematically appropriate?"--me, paraphrased, June 2023

Last week, I had the very unexpected, and very fortunate privilege to visit Walt Disney World for the first time since 2017.  Naturally, besides getting to ride Tower of Terror again (and wow, do I have a LOT to write about that!), one of my priorities was to try out all the new rides that had sprung up in the six years since my last visit.

When it came to Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind, my expectations were very low.  First of all, it was a GOTG ride.  Mission Breakout set that bar very, very low with it being a bad re-skin of an existing attraction—and an attraction that I liked very much, at that.  And even at WDW, I often heard guests confusing Rewind and Breakout, saying things like “uh I think that’s just a second Tower of Terror here?”  It’s bad when guests don’t even realize what ride system is involved!  Furthermore, there seemed to be very little hype for Cosmic Rewind; all the hype seemed to be focused on Tron and how beautiful and good that coaster was, and most “hype” concerning the new Epcot Omnicoaster involved how many people vomited as a result of riding it.  And, to top it all off, Universe of Energy/Ellen’s Energy Adventure had been an Epcot classic for me, and I was hesitant to see the Guardians potentially destroying yet another thing I enjoyed.

Thus, between my hesitance surrounding the theme, Disney’s apparent lack of effective marketing to guests, and the coaster’s barf-y reputation, I basically got a boarding pass for the ride as a formality.  May as well ride it once and get it over with.

Imagine my shock when I found out that Cosmic Rewind is legitimately one of the greatest rides of all time.

Tears actually started to well up in my eyes a bit by the end, “One Way or Another” by Blondie ringing in my ears.  Not since I first rode Tower in 2002 had I gotten this feeling of “this is an art piece” while riding an attraction.  I was lost for words as I stepped off at the exit.  I didn’t expect modern Disney to be capable of producing something like this.  It is stunning.  No video can do it justice.

First off, the Omnicoaster is a wonderful achievement in ride vehicles.  I was amused at first seeing them, as they seemed to be beefed-up versions of the Journey into Imagination with Figment ride cars.  In action, they are incredible.  They deliver such a smooth, floaty feel for the coaster that it really feels like you’re flying and floating through space—and fun fantasy space, not that intense potential sickness-inducing realistic space that Mission Space delivers.  It might be the best feeling coaster around; the seats are very comfortable too, on top of their ability to deliver thrills.  You feel like you have your own roomy seat, which is great if you’re a single rider or odd-numbered party.  The seats also seem to accommodate a wide variety of guest body types, delivering on inclusivity.  The track and motions were a perfect balance of speed, thrill, and just general fun.  It’s a graceful dance made from mechanical engineering.

I’m also somewhat perplexed by the ride’s vomit-soaked reputation, as, to me, the cars’ motion seemed perfectly calculated to prevent motion sickness, orienting you correctly at the projections and tilting to balance g-forces.  It was the opposite of Mission Breakout, where the bouncing in front of the screen does make me queasy.  That said I did witness multiple people getting severely motion-sick and vomiting in the exit area.  Indeed, it was a bit of a dampener to step off of an incredible, emotional experience and immediately have to dodge other guests being sick around me.  It’s no mystery as to why the ride has a vomit-soaked reputation based on that evidence, but I’m completely confused as to what part of the ride would actually induce that in people.

Second, Cosmic Rewind clearly builds off of and improves upon technologies and rides that Disney has made before.  It is very clearly the combined evolution of Space Mountain, Ghost Galaxy, and Rock n’ Roller Coaster.  The “very large man” Celestial and his role he plays is reminiscent of the creature in Ghost Galaxy, while of course the smooth space coaster aspect itself draws from especially the Anaheim version of Space Mountain.  It likewise draws upon Rock n’ Roller Coaster’s rotating music tracklist and launched start, and the animated projected portals you fly through feel like technologically advanced descendants of Rockin’s florescent flat-painted Los Angeles.  Not since the Matterhorn-to-Expedition Everest line have I seen such a clear example of Disney both building on and improving a concept to deliver a top tier attraction.  Actually, given the multiple launches and backwards-and-forwards switch-ups, I think Rewind might draw from Everest too.  This truly felt like the culmination of a lot of Imagineering work coming together to create something beautiful.  It draws on such solid foundations, and yet is distinct and new.

I ended up riding four times throughout my trip, getting a boarding pass basically every time I was eligible for one.  In those four trips, I got three songs: “One Way or Another” by Blondie (first and third ride), “I Ran” by A Flock of Seagulls (second), and “Conga” by Gloria Estefan (fourth).  I must say, one aspect that is both a positive and negative is how the music interacts with the coaster.  While the option of different soundtracks is fun, some songs certainly fit the theme and the energy much better than others.  “One Way or Another” felt perfectly thematically appropriate with the Guardians trying to “get” the Celestial, and generally fit Peter Quill’s assertion that “No one’s gonna stop rock and roll from existing!”  “Conga,” however, was the best fit for the actual ride experience, with it matching the high energy and dance-like motions of the coaster to perfection.  “I Ran” didn’t feel like it fit the motion of the coaster at all in my opinion.

Now, onto the slightly more negative portion of the review.

I would’ve liked to have seen something besides screens/projections.  I understand why Disney didn’t want to go for a large scale animatronic, as cool as it would be to zip around a figure of The Very Large Man (such a detailed figure might be wasted on a coaster that zips by in a second, and also nobody wants a repeat of Yeti! At The Disco), but perhaps something in the pre-show—be it an animatronic or even just a physical set of a Nova Corps ship bay as the loading zone, would’ve given this a bit more oomph.  Rock n’ Roller Coaster—probably this ride’s closest relative—at least has the highly detailed alleyway loading zone/takeoff area while the rest of the queue is basic and the preshow is primarily a screen.

Then, there’s the big elephant in the room: the theme.  Not necessarily the Guardians themselves; I feel about them pretty much the same way I do about Aerosmith for Rock n’ Roller Coaster.  I don’t care about the band itself, so much as I just really like highly themed indoor coasters that blast music that matches the ride experience.  What band it is doesn’t matter too much provided the genre/theme matches the ride.  No, the MAJOR theme issue is “Does GOTG belong in Epcot?”

A ride so good, it makes you forget it's themed to a property that tries WAY too hard to act "cool"

And it’s pretty obvious the answer is “no.”

The Imagineers did an excellent job parodying an educational Epcot pavilion for the queue, and the displays are quite entertaining to watch as you wait in line.  However, that’s the thing—it’s a PARODY of an Epcot pavilion, not an actual proper one in its own right, and it feels wrong having it stand beside the still (at least vaguely) educational Test Track, Living with the Land, Soarin’, Mission Space, and The Seas with Nemo.  The only thing this educates you about is MCU lore, and as fun as that can be, it’s pretty clearly not in the same category as even Test Track 2.0’s highly fanciful take on automotive development.

The fact that Star Lord is canonically a classic Epcot aficionado is an… interesting choice too.  It’s Disney’s thin excuse for putting this ride in this park, saying that Quill wanted an exhibit in his favorite childhood theme park.  But in the queue he explicitly states that one of his favorite attractions was “seeing the energy dinosaurs” and he can’t wait to see them again.   The joke, of course, is that his ride is now in the space those dinosaurs inhabited. It’s certainly a choice to have a protagonist canonically disappointed in your ride placement!

That said, I suppose the placement isn’t too bad from a practical standpoint.  It balances the large roller coasters between parks (this for Epcot, Tron and Space Mountain for MK, Everest for AK, and Rockin for HS) and I have to say I’m not too hurt about losing Universe of Energy for a ride this good.  It’s thematically inappropriate, but I feel it earns its place through sheer force of “but it is a truly excellent ride.”  Every piece except the location (and possibly the theme, if you absolutely hate the MCU) contributes to the experience.

The last, much pettier complaint I have is the lack of merch!  Mission Breakout, that perpetual ugly disappointment, has TONS of ride-specific merch that says the title, shows the ride façade, features ride-specific phrases, and so on.  Cosmic Rewind?  When I went, my options were a notepad, a keychain, and a toy model of the ride vehicle.  The rest of the merchandise was generic Guardians of the Galaxy-branded items or items themed to Xandar—which, while Xandar is the location of a significant portion of the ride, it also appears in the film, thus making the merch in question not quite ride-specific.  Half of the already-small merch shop was filled with generic Marvel items that weren’t even related to Guardians of the Galaxy!

West Coast Disney fans were so robbed.  DCA Tower of Terror was destroyed for a terrible, cheap GOTG re-theme; Florida not only got to keep their incredible Tower of Terror, but got THIS feat of art and engineering to represent their GOTG property.  This might legitimately be my second favorite ride of all time, only behind Tower of Terror itself.  It truly sucks to know that, as the result of Mission Breakout, the Anaheim property will never receive this ride. 

Disney can still make quality rides—not cheap re-themes—when they feel like it.  If only they did so more often.